Premature Ejaculation: Four Steps of the Squeeze Technique

Men who ejaculate prematurely almost always masturbate too fast. Last week I shared a first therapy session with Larry, a young man who ejaculated almost immediately after entering his wife. (click here to read that column)

When Larry returned for our next session, he told me he had masturbated every day since our last session.  Although he found it difficult to fit it into his busy life, he was committed to the process. When I asked Larry about using the techniques I had mentioned in the last session, such as squeezing at the base of his penis when he felt himself becoming too aroused and moving his hand more slowly, he sheepishly admitted he hadn’t really done “too much with that part of the homework.”

As it turns out, Larry had masturbated pretty much as he always had, hoping that by masturbating daily he would see a change. When I asked if he felt more control over his orgasm and if he had paid more attention to the sensations, he said, “No.”  He heard me suggesting he should masturbate daily, but overlooked the part that was hardest for him: changing his speed and focus during sex.

When men and women masturbate they train their bodies in sexual behavior. If they masturbate fast and furious that is how their body will want to have sex. If they masturbate in a manner that simulates good sex with a partner they will probably be able to have sex that way. Most women do not really appreciate sex done fast and furiously (at least not all of the time) the way that Larry was practicing.  And part of masturbation is to learn to manage the sensitivity of sexuality. 

When masturbation is done too quickly, you can’t learn to manage this sensitivity.

The “squeeze technique” is a method that allows men to eventually learn to manage their excitement during sex. There are different variations and methods but here is a rough outline of how I describe the technique to my clients:

1. Begin masturbating as usual until you reach a full erection. At that point, squeeze your penis at the base holding it firmly for seven to ten seconds. Then begin moving your hand at a slow pace while you let yourself fantasize a very arousing fantasy. (At other times, you can of course use pornography. Basically, the more vivid and exciting the images, the better because this allows you to more closely simulate sexual intercourse.)
2. Masturbate until you get to a place several seconds before the point of no return.  At that point, squeeze your penis at the base, holding it for fifteen to thirty seconds (You squeeze it long enough to reduce the sensitivity, returning to masturbation before you lose your erection).
3. Begin masturbating again, making sure to slowly stroke yourself.  When very aroused but several seconds before the point of no return, squeeze at the base of your penis again. After squeezing for several seconds again slowly move your hand allowing yourself to become aroused. This time, instead of fantasizing, close your eyes and focus all of your attention on the sensations created by the movement of your hand. Vary your strokes, making sure that if you become too excited you stop and squeeze. You want to vary the speed, the tightness of your hand, and maybe even the depth of your fantasy if you want to add that back into the process.
4. You will masturbate like this, varying from movement to squeezing, for at least ten to fifteen minutes.

Please note that men will often have “accidental orgasms,” which means they are not timing correctly (or sensing) that point of no return before ejaculation.  This is just part of the learning process.

Larry left our second session having learned that men who used this technique gradually have firmer erections, are able to delay orgasm so that they can more fully satisfy their partner, and report more intense and gratifying orgasms.

That’s a lot for one technique, no?

There are several hitches, however. The technique usually requires some modifications and additional coaching for the client to fit the technique to his pattern of sexual responsiveness. Many times men try the technique and if it doesn’t “work” immediately they give up.   Please let me encourage you to have patience.  Changing a lifetime pattern of sexual behavior takes time.  And of course, things can get tricky with the transition from masturbation to sex with a partner.

Larry tried the technique for a week before approaching his wife. When he did initiate sex, he was very anxious that he wouldn’t satisfy her.  His anxiety caused him to slip back into his old pattern, rushing through foreplay, moving quickly during intercourse and coming within the first few seconds of entry.

Fortunately Larry and I met the next day.  I reassured him and reminded him that changing a lifetime pattern takes time.  But something fundamental in his pattern of relating to his wife HAD changed. After his premature orgasm, instead of turning away from her, he expressed this frustration openly.  He told her how upset he was that he hadn’t lasted long enough for her and that he had hoped his work with me would change that. She listened and reassured him, sharing how happy she was that he was seeking help and that he was now talking to her instead of pulling away.  

They discussed coming to the next session together and fell asleep in each other’s arms. 

Gerald Drose is an Atlanta-based couples’ sex therapist.  Visit Dr. Drose at Powers Ferry Psychological Associates, LLC.